Things changed rapidly when I got to school. I was immersed in the reality of my week. I had more students on my caseload than I knew how to handle. There were new teachers, new computer programs, new materials, severe students, all of which needed my attention. The time before school went quickly. I had no time to be positive.
The day was long and difficult. Nothing seemed to go as planned. I left for home wondering if I was even willing to continue to do what I had loved doing for years. I was far off course from taking positive action. I was distraught and ready to give it all up.
That night I had a dream. In my dream, instead of walking right home from school, I took a mild detour and stopped at a fair that was just a little off course. At first I looked at all the trinkets displayed outside the main building. Then I was drawn further inside the event. After spending a while looking around, I realized that I was totally lost. I had no clue as to how to find my way back home.
Just as I was becoming concerned, three young guys approached me. One spoke: "Why are you here?" he asked. "I'm lost," I replied, "Follow me and 'll show you the way out," he said.
I followed him through what seemed like a maze. Finally, I recognized the place where I had entered. "Thanks," I said. "I know how to get home from here." "You need to ride the bus." he replied while loading me on the bus. "It's too late for you to walk," I didn't really want to do so, but I got on the crowded bus anyway. It seemed to be what everyone else was doing.
After riding for a while I looked out the bus's window and noticed that nothing looked familiar. "Where are we?" I casually asked the person sitting next to me. "We're almost to Whasika," she stated. "That's the wrong direction," I shouted and headed for the front of the bus. After much talking, I convinced the bus driver to stop the bus. "How are you getting home? We're in the middle of no place," he shared as he opened the door. His face looked concered. "I'll walk if I have to do so," I said with conviction.
I started walking and knew that the way was going to be long and difficult. I regretted not having my cell phone with me to call my husband, Rob. My little detour had taken me away from him and I regretted it. I knew that he would be worried. It was getting late. Then all of a sudden I felt as if I was riding. Looking up, I noticed that I was in the backseat of a car. I could see the driver in the mirror. He was an older gentleman with a very kind face. I felt instantly protected and at ease. Instinctively, I knew who he was. "Are you?" I asked. "Yes, I am," he replied as the dream ended.
The next day I knew why I had had the dream. I had veered off course. I had headed further and further from the light. I had let the negative draw me away from my truth. Relying on other people to bring me back to the light would not work. But I didn't have to do it all on my own either. I had a driver who would help me. I needed to remember that. I needed to let go. And, I needed to remember to focus on the positive to make the journey easier.
That morning while walking to school the song, I Have the Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy, Down in my Heart kept playing through my head. By the time I reached school I felt joyful. That positive feeling stayed with me all day. And, the day was wonderful. All the perceived problems of the day before just disappeared. Life was grand. I once again loved my job. The rest of the week was the same.
Each morning I now sing that song from my youth. It helps to fill my heart with pure joy. I love the joy that just seems to flow from my being. That positive feeling has helped me deal with all the new things that are being thrown my way this school year. I'm sure that I will still fall back into my tendencies to take control and to feel overwhelmed because of it. But, I have again been reminded that positive action does indeed make life a much easier journey. And, I also have been shown that the positive feeling doesn't come from the outside: It comes from within. I can conjure up the positive within myself. And, if I need help, God is there ready and willing to help me. I have a responsibility to myself and others to follow the light of joy.
The truth I will be focusing on next week is: Savor the moments of life to live now, not in the past or the future. I wonder what grand adventure I will be drawn to for that one.