When I first began my journey into a deeper understanding of this truth I was quite aware that I had focused on forgiveness in other truths. I had begun to understand that forgiveness is a releasing of judgment. I had tried to practice that releasing of judgment from situations, but I knew that I had more work to do in that area. And so, I decided to see if I could remove judgment from my life in general, and just notice as an observer.
The first day I began my journey while walking to a meeting. I noticed the sidewalk under my feet. I noticed the birds chirping. I noticed the beautiful flowers. Oops, I noticed that I had already put a judgment on my noticing. I quickly changed my thoughts and simply noticed how the sight of flowers added pleasure to my walk. Whew, I realized that this non-judgmental noticing was difficult. It would certainly take time and patience to practice.
As I arrived at my meeting, I noticed how the same people who were usually early to the meeting I was attending were there and how the same people who were usually late were not there. I noticed that our meeting started late, as usual. I noticed how just noticing stopped any judgment of those facts being good or bad. Then I noticed how once the meeting started, I stopped noticing. That lack of noticing continued throughout my day. It was as if I was too busy living, to notice. It was then that I decided that if I were to truly apply this truth, then I needed to get better at staying in the noticing mode. I would continue my focus with this truth until I felt improvement had been substantial. I also knew, that might take a while.
My walks became my focus. I felt that if I could stay in the moment of noticing without judgment during my walks, then maybe I could begin to apply that same level of being in the nonjudgmental moment to my life. I began to really enjoy my walks and became much more proficient at noticing rather than judging. I would notice the breeze blowing on me, or not, the angle and intensity of the sun, the subtle differences in the chirping of the birds, and the way the presence of flowers or water always made me feel somehow lighter in spirit. I found myself thinking of nothing else during my walks than the pleasure of noticing. And, I noticed how much more I seemed to appreciate each moment and how much inner peace I felt.
Applying that same level of non-judgmental noticing to the living of my life I knew would be much harder, but I decided to stay with this truth until improvement had been achieved. Shortly after a new person entered my life.
After only a short time with this person I noticed that she seemed dedicated to saying things that belittled my spirit. It was as if she had a mission to try to make me feel inferior. I noticed that I immediately went into defense mode. I didn't believe the negative things she was saying about me, or did I? I noticed that she seemed to know all my deepest insecurities and brought them 'out of the closet' so to speak. I noticed that I didn't like being around her. Then one day I realized that the only person who can make me feel inferior is me. I was the one judging. She was only the vessel showing me what I still had not healed. I am the only person responsible for my inner peace. No one can interfere with that without my permission.
And although I now choose not to be around her, I know that I would handle her insults differently. I bless her for showing me what I still needed to accomplish. Thanks to her, I am now getting better at using my own reactions as a filter for how I view myself.
Since then I have noticed anger directed at me that I did not react to emotionally. I noticed that while reading evaluations from a seminar that I had completed, 99.9% of the evaluations were positive, but one was as far the opposite as an evaluation can get. Instead of being upset about that one evaluation as I would have been in the past, I simply wondered what it was that she had heard that caused such emotion to surface. And, I blessed her on her way. Then I noticed that I was in fact changing.
Although I still have a long way to go to being so detached from judging as to be able to live my life in the moment, I now know that I am much closer than I was before I started this journey into truths. I bless this journey and all who have gone on it with me.
The next and final truth is: Words are powerful messengers to our souls that need to be used wisely. I do believe that what we say if powerful. If we are the only ones responsible for our lives, then our words to ourselves need to be uplifting. I will continue my noticing and my practice of non-judgment. And, I will be kind to myself if I slip back into my 'old ways'.